A Kandi Koated Hot mess

thegang:

So a little known fact about me – I watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I have no shame. The cattiness, the excessive over-the-top purchases, and the senseless arguments – what’s not to love? Haha. I’ve always thought though, that the most sensible, down to earth person(a) on the show was Kandi Burruss. In addition to her contributions to the epic all-girl group Xscape (Second only to TLC & Total – Hey Keisha!), her song writing skills and entrepreneurial sense is pretty uncanny. 

So, when I heard that her (straight to internet) talk show, “Kandi Koated Nights” about sex and relationships was going to feature transgender men and women, I had to tune in. The show entitled “In love with a Transgender”* featured two trans men: A.M. and Jamel, a trans woman who calls herself “Big Dick Bitch”, and a cisgender woman named Jaimee in a relationship with a trans man.

[*side note and pet peeve: “transgender” is an adjective – not a verb or noun. Read more, HERE ]

I watched fearfully.

Mainly because the lives of transgender people are often presented in the media as some sort of side show oddity - something to gasp and gawk at. And like a magician’s slight of hand, we’re often accused of “tricking” people – deceiving the eye. What the media often misses though is that we’re human beings trying to live out our own truths. Not using our lives to deceive.

Unfortunately, Kandi’s show primarily focused on sex and genitalia instead of the “love and relationship” aspect she proclaimed to be interested in. With members of the panel inappropriately exclaiming multiple times “let us see!” For real? I wonder if any of the members of her panel would have been willing to show off their genitals first? Ugh.

Amidst multiple pronoun slip-ups by Kandi, threats from a member of the audience (yea, that happened) and general gawking “oohs” and “ahhs” by panel members, A.M., Jamel and Jaimee tried to educate the audience and panel members on correct terms, and ways of understanding  the lives of trans people. I appreciated their representation, and the way they tried to make the panel and audience understand that the issues of trans people couldn’t be simply summed up in generalizations and genitalia – we are complex.

For the most part though, they were fascinated with the sexual.  The “Big Dick Bitch” didn’t help, as she saw the show primarily as an opportunity to promote her porn site. Now, I’d never hate on porn – but the venue was wrong. Did I mention that her manager was the one who made the threat towards Jamel? While professing how big his dick was and threatening to pull it out? Lets just say that the ladies loving Jamel were making him intensely jealous and ready to fight. Umm….SECURITY!

Needless to say my trans sisters could have used more representation. I would have loved to see another trans woman on the panel with a different perspective. Because the “Big dick bitch” is definitely not the “end all be all” of the trans-feminine experience. Sigh.

I asked myself after it was over why I subjected myself to an hour+ of people ridiculing and shaming trans folks like myself. I guess I fell for it. I kept waiting for the moment when Kandi and the other folks on the panel would approach the subject of “loving a transgender person” with dignity – and with an intent to educate folks that had little or no knowledge about us. I was duped. 

I guess Kandi saw trans people’s lives just like RHOA or any other opportunity to cash in. But unlike a beat for a new pop song, or venturing into country music, this was a genuine opportunity to change people’s perceptions. But like Cheryl Courtney-Evans said in her post about the show – Oprah Winfrey she is NOT.

If you’d like a more informed perspectives on trans women & men, hit up transgriot or original plumbing or janet mock or Brooklyn Boihood for bois and transmasculine folks of color. Or theGAQ for general POC Queer goodness. But if you’d like to subject yourself to the hot-messery of the video, go HERE. Or just skip it – you’re probably better off. 

I will admit to watching Real Housewives of Atlanta (and New York, Miami, Beverly Hills, etc all suck in comparison) on the regular.  I also do think Kandi is talented.  But I am not surprised in the least by this mess.

(Source: mekhimorphosis)

equalitopia:

ACLU and Yale launch campaign to stop censoring LGBT websites in schools

ACLU has teamed up with Yale Law School to launch the “Don’t Filter Me” campaign, which aims to stop censorship of websites in public high schools.

The ACLU blog post reports that some schools have been blocking LGBT-related websites such as the GSA Network and the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN).

These schools even allow students to access to anti-LGBT sites that condemn LGBT people or urge LGBT people to try to change our sexual orientation. The ACLU describes this as viewpoint discrimination.

ACLU asks students to report unconstitutional web filtering at their schools by filling out a form at action.aclu.org/dontfilterme.

(Image credit: aclu.org)

(via queeryouthspace)

pangolinsplayingdominoes:

stfusexists:

abbyjean:

It was the morning of Aug. 7, 1995, and Tyra Hunter, a popular African-American hairdresser, was on her way to work in Washington, D.C. Suddenly, the car she was in was broadsided. In this situation, one would expect that Hunter would have promptly been taken to a hospital, where she would have received whatever medical care she needed. But tragically, and outrageously, that is not what happened. When emergency personnel arrived on the scene, they helped the barely-conscious Hunter out of the car and began treating her, but only until one of them realized she was transgender after cutting open her clothing. At that point, they backed away from her, began laughing at her and taunting her with anti-transgender slurs. They stopped treating her in a life-threatening situation. In what world does someone sworn to help others in emergency situations stop treating them to attack them? When she was finally transported to a hospital, her ordeal didn’t end. Doctors refused to treat her, and by the time she was finally granted medical care, it was too late. Hunter was pronounced dead the same day. (via COLORLINES)

Everyone involved in this despicable mess should lose their jobs, licenses to practice, and serve jail time. 

crap. that is scary scary shit.

no words.

(via glitterbombing)

I was fired from my job today for being transgender.

fuckyeahftmsofcolor:

Hey fellas. Usually when I post here I’m in a relatively good mood, but today was rough.

It was the 2nd day of a new job, I informed management in beginning of Day 1 of my preferred name and pronouns and that I’m trans. It went really well and my supervisor was quite supportive.

Apparently my supervisor and coworkers were fine with it, but the HR representative, who I never even got to meet, was not.

They first had the person from my staffing agency contact me (instead of speaking to me personally) requesting that I not use the correct bathroom, because I might make people uncomfortable. When I asked him to please find out if there was a unisex bathroom in the building I could use (as I did not want to go to HR/my supervisor myself and make it a big deal) they informed him (and thus he informed me) that there is no unisex bathroom available and that I was no longer a good fit for the company.

When I contested that there was no issue, I would suck it up and use the wrong bathroom, they changed their tune to say that they didn’t interview “Aaron”, they interviewed “(legal name)”, and that I was “obviously” not the person I claimed to be.

What really disgusts me is that at 5:00pm, before I left, my supervisor was telling me how great I was doing, that I seemed like a really great fit and did so well with training, set me up my own desk and computer and told me when I came in tomorrow, I’d be on my own. At 5:40pm it was confirmed that they were not willing to work anything out, my “situation” made me an ill fit for the company, and they had already lined up someone else for my job.

It makes no difference that my skills, experience, and qualifications were the same, regardless of preferred name/pronouns. If I had requested to be called by a preferred traditionally feminine name, like say, a shortened version of my legal name or my middle name, I would still have my job.

There are no laws in the state of florida (or most other states) to protect transgender people from being terminated based on gender identity or expression. It was perfectly legal for them to fire me based solely on my trans* status.

For more information, please read the wikipedia article on the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act, and get involved in helping to fight for its passing.

submitted by aaron-in-transit

Aaron, sorry for what you had to go through. A trans* inclusive ENDA is really the only way to ensure that T/GNC folks are legally safe from job discrimination but there are possible protections now, like the Constitution’s Equal Protection clause (our legal expert mod is unreachable so I’m just going off of cases like Glenn v. Brumby in Georgia which is near Florida.) If you’d like to seek legal help, Equality Florida has a Discrimination Form where if you provide them with information, they can help connect you with resources to resolve your issue.

This is why I’m so tired of the gay marriage being at the forefront.  Our queer family is still under attack in very real ways.